My Pain

I was at hartamas with my friends (Lavan,Geetha and Kumar).We were at burger king and i had no ciggerates.So Lavan and i decided to go to 7e to buy some.So we ran to 7e.It was rainning cats and dogs.While running i was not concentrating then there was mud and i slipped and fall on my left butt and i driftted quite a distance and turned leftwards.And everyone had a blast laughing.And the funny part me and were playing need for speed.To those who has played and know what bullet time is then you would laugh.So while i was drifting i was laughing so was Lava and everyone else.So instead of trying to not get to wet i got wet all over.So after that when i got back hom i realise my left cheek was bruised and bleeding.That was some night to drfit.

In this world lays people who think and some who don’t.I am the one that is naive and stupid.I know that things will not work out because places are far and beyond.A fool i am.Feel as if i have been decieved.Told things but turns out that is not true.My heart no longer feels nothing.I have become the person i wish not to be.A person that his heart has turned ice cold completely.If that heart has someone else why would that person call you names and has treated you differently.Being decieved is what i feel.Told all does things.And end up being something else.Why do people just not say it front and quick.Rather than just keeping it on hold and dragging it.If you have felt what has happen before than inflict it on others.All that i have done is nothing.Just wasted.I want to be alone and left alone.I wish not to know nothing and, have no right to know anything about me.You are happy with him and i wish not to be the person to be on the sidelines.Do not worry about me because i know what i want to do.And i am not obliged to keep my promise.Live a happy life.

I’m lost.My mind is just thinking about things that i myself cant figure out.I am an idiot.I say things that i dont want to without thinking.I forget things.Im just lost.I want to tell but i cant.Before it was different now i dont know what to feel.I want to but i……i just dont know.My life is always been complicated.Every reationship it always end up i get hurt.I give everything,my heart,my soul,my blood,but still i get hurt.I just have a hole in my heart.Lost in this so called world.I cant feel anything else.All i fell is pain.Pain is real.I want to but im just not sure.I am a jerk,idiot,etc.

Hope is just something fake.People lie ro themselves and in the end ie to the other people.Feelings is something fragile to the human being.It can make people happy,angry,sad and etc.People just can think.They dont even know what is right and wrong.I have ben hurt so many times that i dont even know what to feel.When a person does not know what to feel they lose hope.The past is the past but it will always stay in the mind.It hurts when people remember the past.A birthday gift turned out to be nothing.Love is nothing.

On my birthday i received a birthday  present that i didnt not suspect that i would get.It’s very special to me.I just want to let this person know that i will cheerish this present forever.What was in the past leave it there.I know that my previous blog stated that i love that person but that was last time.If this person wants to know anything that person should ask me because i will answer the questions that is asked.I just want to let this person know that i am really happy and i hope this person is also happy.

I have no idea why all os a sudden my head is so messed up.I cant think straight.So much problem i cant take it.Problems i want to share but i cant.I am so used to keeping my problems until i cant share them with anyone except one person who is my best friend.Even  if i tell him i cant get it all out.I feel like i just dont want to live anymore,i feel like i dont care anymore,i just dont look forward to the next day.Sometimes i feel im here for no purpose at all.I feel as if im screaming to everyone in the world but theyt dont hear me.I feel like an empty coffin.I feel soulless.My mind is so……… i cant describe it.There is no word for it.My heart is like ice and at the same time its like its broken into billion of pieces.I know a lot of people who is reading must be thinking im pathetic,i feel like i am.And i know people must think im being emo,well i am.I want to say more things but i cant.Cant stop thinking or express.Life is just life.Where the is life there is death.

This past few weeks i have been very happy.I have found a girl that i really love.We are from different world me and her.She is an angel and i the devil from hell.She is everything to me.I feel very happy.I can forget all my bad past because of her.I no longer linger in the past and think of the girl that has hurt my feelings so bad.The angel her name is Dayang Ratna Wati Binti Abg Hassim.She is from Sarawak.She is older than me but i don’t actually care about that.I love her as who she is.She is the most cutest girl,most beatifull to my eyes,and very naughty only with me.I wish to be with her all the time.I feel empty without her.I feel as if i am not whole.She is the other half of me.She is everyting to me.When i am with her all my troubles are gone for the moment.I love her with all my heart.She feels insecure because of the girl i had loved.But i just want to tell her don’t because in my heart she is soul.She completes me.I am whole.Dayang Ratna Wati Binti Abg Hassim I LOVE YOU.

I have faced many painful moments in my life.I have been lied and used.I have important people in my life.I care for them.They are the only reason why i live to this day.My best friend has been there for my all the way although he is not by my side.I even know what he is going to say and do.He is part of my soul.I will never know what i will do if he is no longer.I live to this day for my mum but i can’t stand it when i am lied to from my friend or by the person i love.I love that person with all my heart and soul but i get the same reason.Saying that i am to good for them.If i am too good for them why do they let me go.Shouldn’t people hold on to that someone if they are good.I am used by the person i love.I will never know why people would do that to a person.Not to say that all girls are like that but i hate it when girls say all guys are players,bad and etc.All i can say is that people will never know what is important to them until they have lost that special someone.Not all guys are the same and not all girls are like that.I don’t want anyone to say that i am pointing fingers.Why do people like to do that?Why?When you think you love that special someone they just pretend or use you.Everyone please appreciate what you have and treasure them and never let them go.NEVER.I always thought the one i have is the one for me but it never turns out to be like that.I am happy when im with my family because i think about nothing else.When im with my friends im happy too but i envy them because they have someone special with them.Its not that i think about to much but i feel lonely and empty.Not to say im mr.lonely or anything.But sometimes i put on a mask when im with my friends.Pretend to be happy but inside i am being tortured,in pain,suffering inside.I am happy for them because they have someone special.Because of this thing that is happening to me i feel cautious when i meet someone or try being with a girl.I no longer know what is love or no longer know what real love feels because i don’t know if that someone loves me for real or not.I just want to thank my friends for being there for my.Helping me out.Try to make me feel happy.I love you guys and girls for supporting me.My heart has turn cold as ice and all i can do is wait for someone to burn my heart and feed my soul with love.My life has never felt this empty and cold.I hope the person i love and waiting for love me because of who i am.

To those it may concern.I would like to know why do girls intend to use others that love them so much?I have always been very loyal to the ones i love so much but they intend to tell me that i am to good,kind,honest or other things.Why,why,why???What makes them do it.Why do they let go the things that are good.Why don’t they hold on to it?I do not care what they look like cause i look beyond of what they look like.I look into their heart and soul.My past has always been full of lies,betrayal and i have been used for money and pleasure.I’m sick and tired of it.But i still think of them as a friend even if they were my ex-girlfriends.I just want to have someone i can love,care,hold,do things,talk,hug,kiss,share my problems,help me,love me for who i am,be there for me.But instead i was used.My life has always been full of lies,betrayal,pain,sorrow and suffer.I can only dream of someone and never have it.To me this is only a fairy tale which is love and other people can have it only i can’t.I only can tell other people to hold on to people they love because you will only realize what you have until you have lost it so do not let go of that someone.Life is short and don’t judge people by they’re looks.Never judge a book by it’s cover never.To those who thinks i am talking about do not take it that much alright cause i know you have problems and i understand i am only talking about the ones that had none at all.Well anyway to anyone who could help me out.Please do.Advice me or anything at all.Just do it.You people can say I’m pathetic for all i care.I don’t care cause to me i am pathetic for letting girls used me.Well i hope people who out there,family,friends,and acquaintances.Help me.Your help is light to my life of darkness.

This is about my life.My life has always been full of pain and suffering.Only sometimes and i mean sometimes i will be happy.I will be happy when im with my family,friends who is max,faliq,umair,gaia,munchin,lui,harith,gory,bele and i will be happy when im only with them,and i was happy when i was with ili.My life changed a lot since i knew this girl and i can’t stop thinking about her until now.I dream of her,in the day and even at night.My life is full of pain and suffering cause all of the girls that i had has already had their own people to be with and i always get caught in the middle.I wish to be with her but she only likes me and because i love her so much i let her go with the person she loves but i wish that i could still be with her for the rest of my life.My life will always be full of pain and suffering.I still want her to be part of my life!